I’m pregnant…..but it’s not what you think

I’ve done some pretty crazy things in my 37 years on this Earth, mainly because I believe that life is made to be lived – not watched as a spectator or in fear, but lived.

This belief has brought me great joy, deep sadness, fear, regret, elation, accomplishment, gratitude and love, just to name a few.
Irrelevant of if I’ve liked the circumstances, I think that life is meant to be experienced.

What is living without falling over? Falling in love? Falling down and falling head over heels?

Feeling is the fullest expression of life all wrapped up in a heartbeat. Whether our hearts are breaking or soaring – it’s meant to be used!

I’ve…….

-changed my name and reinvented myself countless times- been with (and loved) women, men, people who identify as non binary; sometimes all the same time!- been addicted to substances and lived life in sobriety- travelled to nearly 30 countries across 5 continents – been monogamous, polyamorous, been to sex parties, Kink clubs, experienced abstinence and celibacy; I’ve lived them all.- had my hair shaved, undercut, in braids, bright colours, long and plain, mohawk ,bangs; I’ve tried just about every hairstyle there is. – gotten tattoos, piercing and intimate waxing- taken a nap in the Grand canyon- been in silent meditation for 10 days- walked on fire, swam with sharks and attended the world’s largest food fight- survived the death of my brother under 30, supported my family through the newborn heart surgeries of my nephew and had more than 6 surgeries myself with three organs removed and a pancreas that’s dead. – lived in four Australian states, travelled to each and every single one of them and spent 2 years backpacking Europe and the UK- suffered through an eating disorder and self hate only to grow and find my truest of self love and full recovery – stripped naked in front of a group of 200 women to show the power of love for our bodies- learnt to roller skate in my late 20s, played roller derby and am learning piano and Spanish.
the list goes on……
And as life is something that I’m committed to living; if there is something I crave to experience, then I will find a way to do so.
I have no desire to become a parent. Zip / zero / Nada- I have felt this way since my early twenties and even though I welcome any and all change in my life, this is not something I ever see shifting in my world ( but it could) – I’ve never felt that particular calling and have too many other things that I want to do.
But …. I’ve always liked the idea of being pregnant, of creating life, of seeing what my body (and mind) is truly capable of.
So, as I write this, I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant. This life that my body is so incredibly and lovingly growing is not of my genes nor will I be their parent – no. I’m carrying a miracle life created with precision, dedication, tenacity and love for two humans who do not have the biology to create life together; one of whom I have known and loved since I was 14.
All going to plan, in 3 months time a new beautiful soul will come into this Earth via my body and meet their parents.
Our bodies are vessels to which we get to experience life and in this iteration, my body has a uterus, so in lieu of them having one, I thought would put mine to good use.
My life is here to be lived, to be experienced and soon enough I will add to the list: surrogate a soul into existence.
Life is for living, so live it. Don’t let death come to you with too many unanswered questions in your heart. Find the courage to do the things you’ve always wished you could do, one day it will be too late.